It has taken me three long months to even resemble a normal person after quitting my job. I now know that if we could swing it, I would be a stay at home mom/wife. I always questioned my ability to do this. Perhaps it was always because of the financial security? It is a really hard thing to just walk a way from money. We are all just blasted everyday with how important money is and now in our "recession", it is all about how much we are loosing. Well, I quit my job. I left on purpose. There was a lot of just reasons that I did this. But the reality is that, I made the decision to walk out on our financial security. I caused my family to loose over 40% of its income. Here I am three months later finally getting to the point where I can say. We lost nothing. In fact, we gained, a hell of a lot.
I can name all the stuff that has physically happen. Like the blessing of Ryan's new daycare. As he was dragging me in there this morning so excited to get his day started, I realized, that he likes it there. I left him at the table happily eating his waffles and raisins. On my way out, I teared up and said "Thanks God!"
Chris has had a stressful few months at work. Lots of transitions and lots of turmoil. His personal growth is off the chart and his skill set is huge. He is an intense and hardcore boss, who is misunderstood my his employees. I don't know, but sounds like a good manager? In my experience, management is always the enemy. I know being home for him has been so important. He never would have admitted that we could live off of just his income. We have. I know he is stressed out about providing. I spend everyday trying to put myself in that place with him. But he needs all of me right now. He needs ALL the support. If I was working. (Especially, at my hell of a job.) We would be at each others throats.
I worry. I feel guilty. I have surrendered. I have taken care of myself forever. Putting all my faith in someone else has been challenging. Chris is so easy to trust and I am glad that he is the one taking care of me.
We worry. We think about money. But not as much as when we had two incomes??? I am home. I am truly happy. I am truly relaxed. I am lucky. I only wish, I could stay home. But right now the plan sticks and we see what He has planned next...