Thursday, October 22, 2009

I am 30 weeks pregnant now and have been thinking a lot about this baby. It's like it just hit me, that when I was pregnant with Ryan, 30 weeks would mean I would have a baby in just 2 weeks. I am confident that this baby is going to make it to at least 36-37 weeks. I am just completely in awe of having two boys. Or should I say scared??? lol

No. We will be fine. The big question that I ask is. "Can it really get any better than this?"

Friday, October 9, 2009

As I sit here and listen to an episode of the Backyardigans that I have seen a gazillion times. I am reminded how blessed I am. I have an amazing husband, who has embarked on a new venture without us, so we can all have a better life. An amazing son who has a sense of humor better than mine. (Is that possible?) Extended family and friends that helped me become who I am today. And lastly, one more person growing inside me to share it all with.

Thanks God. I owe you one...

Monday, July 27, 2009

After 2 long weeks of feeling like crap. I am sure this time I am better. Getting sick just 2 weeks into this "Stay at Home Mom" gig, had me feeling like a failure. I find it very interesting that when we get sick that we have this impending feeling that we are never going to be okay again. Only to wake up one day and feel great again. In fact, better because we felt so bad. Funny thing is that I will probably think the same thing next time.

Oh well. Thank the good Lord that I am better. It won't be the last time that this mom has to drag herself out of bed with a 102 temp because someone wants to play the "Fishie Game"

Thursday, June 25, 2009

This blog has been neglected while I go thru the yuck that was my first trimester. I have been so tired and the motion sickness was bad! We (me and the new baby) seem to have turned the hormonal corner. Ryan is CrAzY and going non stop like a madman. His last day of daycare is tomorrow. Although it is bitter sweet, I think I am ready to look this "stay at home mom" thing in the face. Yep. Combined with Chris doing so well at work and my current pregnant state, the job hunt is off and I am focusing on my favorite things in the world. My family and my home.

So wish me luck...

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Sometimes you need a good cry. Sometimes you need a moment to yourself. Sometimes you need a long hot shower to wash away the day. Then there are those days you just need a pepperoni and cheese sandwich at 10:30 in the morning...

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Yep I am pregnant!

This pregnancy has already been so different than the first. (Dare i day that it is a girl?) And my life is already becoming less mine. I am fighting fatigue like there is no tomorrow. I feel guilty because I just cannot get up sometimes and get things done. My logical mind calls me lazy. With Ryan, I was working. I fought fatigue hard and just kept going. "Gotta keep going, this isn't so bad." Well I am RESTING, this time. I have noticed just a little extra sleep keeps me in the game longer each day and my mood more even. Chris likes that...

Eating. I want to eat healthly. I belong to these webboards and all these moms are eating well balanced diets. Fruit, Veggies, Whole Grains. My question is how do they have room? I am too full from the Captain Crunch and the Moose Tracks ice cream. I am trying to eat healthy. I am. But I would like to tell these women to stop telling lies and admit you are coveting the Krispy Kreme. Speaking of which, only two more weeks until Orlando and I can get a Dunkin Doughnut!!!

Lastly. And I swore that I wasn't going to posted tummy pictures this time. But this totally amazes and is starting to scare me. I have been told that you show early with subsquent pregnancies. But is this possible? Please ignore the inevitable back fat. For some reason, pregnancy immediately places a roll right under my ribs...

15 weeks 1 day with Ryan

6 weeks 5 days with #2

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

I saw today that did a study of what a mom is worth as far as salary goes if she was to get paid. Get this. A stay at home mom would receive an annual salary of $123,000. This is what it would cost you if you had to outsource this type of work. I thought to myself, "What about working moms?" Well the salary for a working mom would be $76,000 annually.

Aren't we lucky the rewards far out weigh the actual work????
Life isn't complicated at all right now. Chris is busy at work. Such a blessing. Ryan loves preschool and I am enjoying my new life as CEO of the Russell house. I did apply for a job yesterday that I think I dreamed up here in town. So fingers crossed. The job hunt has been real quiet. I guess, I expected more responses. But so far really quiet. There has been a lot of learning for me. Learning to trust that everything is as it should be right now.
I have my first appoinment with the OB on Friday. Really it will be with the Nurse Midwife. All the early things that happen when they are starting your prenatal care. I realized the other day that I am really gun shy when it comes to having babies. Don't know why? I have only been through a few difficulties. lol
I am actually afraid that I will show up at the doctor and they will say, "Sorry, Ms. Russell, your not pregnant?"

Saturday, May 2, 2009

I think that I am going to have to become a napper. This new baby is kicking my butt already. I absolutely loath myself for lack of energy. Not because I think its not okay. But I want to be active. Today. I napped and tonight will be better. Guess I should have taken my cue from Ryan.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Ryan. Now 23 months old. Is in the midst of the terrible twos. I recently read in a book that the terrible twos actually defines the time from about 18 months to 30 months. Interesting. All I know is that I can never make him happy. Not a good time to quit drinking for 9 months.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

I have been having a blah week but decided to blog about our Easter weekend to cheer me up. we had an amazing brunch that included some beautiful cupcakes and a yummy dreamsicle pie. My older brother Tim drove up with his family from Orlando and my parents came from Interlachen. With family around the day turned into such a joyful occasion. It was nice to have some of the people I love most nearby. Ryan was his usual rowdy self. Throw in his cousin Logan and BAM, we have craziness. But deep down, even with all the yelling, I love it!!

I know all the right things to say when people are feeling down. And I know what needs to be done to get through the hard times. But why? Why, can I not seem to apply these things to myself. I think I did to much job searching today. I want things to work out so bad that I start to get anxious and feel like my head is going to explode. There are so many things I want right now. I just feel like God wants me to be in this holding pattern. As if something is coming. You may not understand. But I do...

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

I am sitting here on the couch watching my dacshund Lucy eat lizards on the deck. What is truely shocking is that she is fast enough to catch them. We feed her. I swear.

As Ryan would say Ewwwwwww!!!
Why? Oh why? Do some people NOT respond to texts, IMs, or Facebook comments. Why even bother? If I am bothering you, tell me to shut up...

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

In the middle of trying to keep my house clean today an episode of Oprah stopped me dead in my tracks. Her guest today was Michael J Fox. Please know that he was my first crush. I loved him so much that I wrote him a fan letter and still have the "automated" reply postcard I received back. I call it "automated", because it was a generic postcard with his signature already printed on it. But to a 10 year old who loved Alex P Keaton, it was a life highlight.
For the past 18 years, he has been living with Parkinson's disease. (I know, 18 years? Wow.) The thing that made me stop and really listen was this incredible quote. "I can choose to think about this. Or I can choose to think about a ton of other things all day." He was a lesson in optimism for me today. Knowing that what is happening now is not only the way it should be. But a gift. Wow! Powerful stuff.

Choose to be happy. Choose to be sad.


Thursday, March 26, 2009

It has taken me three long months to even resemble a normal person after quitting my job. I now know that if we could swing it, I would be a stay at home mom/wife. I always questioned my ability to do this. Perhaps it was always because of the financial security? It is a really hard thing to just walk a way from money. We are all just blasted everyday with how important money is and now in our "recession", it is all about how much we are loosing. Well, I quit my job. I left on purpose. There was a lot of just reasons that I did this. But the reality is that, I made the decision to walk out on our financial security. I caused my family to loose over 40% of its income. Here I am three months later finally getting to the point where I can say. We lost nothing. In fact, we gained, a hell of a lot.
I can name all the stuff that has physically happen. Like the blessing of Ryan's new daycare. As he was dragging me in there this morning so excited to get his day started, I realized, that he likes it there. I left him at the table happily eating his waffles and raisins. On my way out, I teared up and said "Thanks God!"
Chris has had a stressful few months at work. Lots of transitions and lots of turmoil. His personal growth is off the chart and his skill set is huge. He is an intense and hardcore boss, who is misunderstood my his employees. I don't know, but sounds like a good manager? In my experience, management is always the enemy. I know being home for him has been so important. He never would have admitted that we could live off of just his income. We have. I know he is stressed out about providing. I spend everyday trying to put myself in that place with him. But he needs all of me right now. He needs ALL the support. If I was working. (Especially, at my hell of a job.) We would be at each others throats.
I worry. I feel guilty. I have surrendered. I have taken care of myself forever. Putting all my faith in someone else has been challenging. Chris is so easy to trust and I am glad that he is the one taking care of me.
We worry. We think about money. But not as much as when we had two incomes??? I am home. I am truly happy. I am truly relaxed. I am lucky. I only wish, I could stay home. But right now the plan sticks and we see what He has planned next...

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

It has been a rough 4 weeks. Ryan sick, me sick, Chris sick. And then Ryan sick, me sick, Chris sick. I have been begining to think we will never be well again. It is really hard to be sick as a parent. Whether your mom or dad. Toddlers just do not understand. This time last week, I was truely thinking, I would never feel well again. Why is it that I do that? Well tonight my poor husband is feeling it. Feel better soon Chris. I love you...
P.S. Kids=Germs

Sunday, March 8, 2009

I have been told that in this time of transition, I am growing and changing.


Monday, February 23, 2009


Here are some pictures of the recent tornado that blew threw our neighborhood. I still think how close we came to getting hit. Ugh! We are blessed...

Two months into this whole unemployment thing and all I have managed is a whole lot of feelings guilt. Tis true, I quit my job in a world where people are loosing them outright everyday. I feel so guilty. But what exactly am I guilty of? I know that the spa I worked for was headed for the toilet. I looked at the numbers and fumbled through the daily desperation of the owners for over a year. We were circling the drain. For a long time. I can't be guilty of anything yet. We are making it just fine. Is it the anticipation of what could happen or just the daily flooding of my brain with all the "recession" news. This is a battle that I think is just beginning. I refuse to loose this battle. Last week was a bad week. Between getting sick, getting turned downed for a job that i was sure I had, and a tornado ripping up my neighborhood. (What? I didn't mention the tornado?) Today, I woke up a bit clearer and not as down on myself. I am a good wife and mother. Is that all, I am? No, but for now, I relish that title, because they are what is keeping me going. Or more importantly, smiling...

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Ryan and I went outside yesterday to play with his new best friend. Mr. Shadow only likes sunny days and never responds when we scream at him. But he is a great companion, none the less.

At least he doesn't dive head first into Mr. Shadow, like Logan. Not a good idea on the asphalt...

Has happiness ever snuck up on you? Last night I was waiting for Chris to start a movie we were going to watch and for the first time in a long time, I realized that I was happy. Happy to just sit. Happy to wait. My job situation had gotten so bad for me, that I was not even able to concentrate well. I couldn't sit still and getting it all over with was a priority. Well today. I am happy to say that I am more at ease. More focused. And more PLEASED that The Bakers are out of my life than the day I left. I still am feeling for the people that they have left hanging. Patients and collegues are calling me to find out why they can't get a hold of them or get money that is owed to them. All I am saying is that, "I don't know." I do. But I just can't be responsible for them anymore. They used me enough. I will continue to pray for the employees still working for them. However, they will see it sooner than later. Everyone has.
In the mean time, our lives have just taken on this great new calmness. The world is in turmoil but we are learning to enjoy what we have. Walks with Ryan, Bike rides together. Movie time and family dinners. I am enjoying doing the things that make me, me. Like taking care of my home, cooking, and laundry. Yes even laundry. Pray for me on Wednesday. I have a second interview, for the job I really want. Five minutes away. It will make an already lucky mommy even luckier...

Friday, January 30, 2009

This job hunting stuff is just way frustrating. Today, I am spending the morning surfing the internet for anything new job wise. While Ryan and Lucy terrorize one of the cats. I squirt Lucy in the face with water to try an get her to stop. Ryan then slips and falls in the water on the wood floor. I pick him up just in time to hear the other cat throw up.

Oh yeah! The american dream...

Friday, January 16, 2009

I don't claim to know everything. But here are some of my recent observations since being out of work. Not very profound. I know this. But surely a sign that I need to be working. Oh and I did have my "first" interview this week. I will keep ya'll posted...

  • Meredith Viera is much more interesting than Katie Couric ever was.
  • You can learn some limited but very useful spanish from Dora the Explorer.
  • Victor Newman and Jack Abbott are still fighting.
  • Daycare has ruined my son. I pay people to stimulate him all day. So when he is home with mom, it is quite evident, that I bore him.
  • I can appreciate and like Elizabeth Hasselback so much more now that the election is over. (does her husband really play football?)
  • Ellen is cool and her wife is hot.
  • Cleaning is great therapy. But eventually what seemed to never be done. Is done.
  • My neighbors are loud.
  • I am nosey.
  • Sorry to ever judge you Granddaddy. Getting the mail is fun. Everyday!
  • Lastly, you say you will get up everyday and shower, and get dressed, and look presentable. You won't. Don't even try it!

I have been given a hard time for being openly excited about our new president. But today. Just 3 days before the inauguration, I am proud, to say, I am VERY excited! This is my blog. Therefore my forum. I am not wrong for feeling the way I do. And neither are you. I am proud that I live where so many people can have a difference in opinion. But I will not be shot down or deflated because I feel good about where this country is headed. So don't read this. Stop now. I don't care either way. Just promise you will move into the way things are and away from what you think they should be.

I have been told that Barrack Obama is not making history. I don't understand what their definition of history is, but is he not the first African American President? What about the first man on the moon? Or the first woman to vote? Are they not in our history books? It just reminds me that there is predjudice and that makes me sad.

With our country in economic ruin, unemployment rising, our soldiers dying in Iraq, and most of the world thinking the United States is an arrogant joke, I feel like we might have a fighting chance.
Does it matter why?

I have hope and renewed faith in my country and its government.
Does it matter why?

This country showed up to vote for their candidate. No matter who he was. Because they felt it mattered this time.
Does it matter why?

I now live in a country where the are "no excuses". No one can say they were passed over or left behind because of their sex, race, or economic class.
Does it matter why?

I want to be a better American and I have pride for my country again.
Does it matter why?

This country is going to TURN out for a presidential inauguration. It's not the Super Bowl, or finale of American Idol. It is a presidential event! That is huge. Can you dispute that?

I get choked up when I think about my son. Our children deserve to inherit a country they can be proud of. We are not better than off than we were 8 years ago. That is fact. And anyone who tries to dispute that is delusional. We have needed to move forward and we are moving forward. One man cannot change the world. I am not ignorant to that fact. But the millions that he inspired CAN!

1/20/09 The End of an Error...

Sunday, January 11, 2009

I had to share this. Ryan was sitting on the floor playing with his Little People boat when I looked over and witnessed him trying to climb in it. He had no concept that he was way to big. I think he just wanted to get behind the helm and sail away...

Friday, January 9, 2009

Ryan had a pediatrician appt this morning. So we headed out early to the doctor. Which went really well, by the way. Then we headed to the park for some playground time. We saw a train, chased some monkeys (more commonly callled squirrels) and then busted our lip before we went to Chickfila for Ryan's favorite lunch. The manager was washing the windows, so we sat, ate chicken nuggets, and I giggled while Ryan shouted at him. It was a GREAT DAY!

Our First Train.

Right after this we bloodied our whole face.


Too much fun?

Thursday, January 8, 2009

I told you!

I have been asked over and over again. Why are you complaining about a job where you don't have a lot of responsibility. "I wish I did less at work. You should be happy that there isn't a lot going on there." I am not made that way. I have to much to offer to be complacent. I want to be part of something positive and productive. That is how I am made.

Well, today, I did so much. And I feel GREAT!!!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Shifting, Shifting, shifting...

It's a very humbling feeling to realize that you have had an aspect of your life that was really making you unhappy. I am starting to believe that I really wanted things to work out the way they did with my job. I know from past experiences that when I am not on the right path. Or am forcing myself to not live a true life. I suffer. It starts with me trying to convince my heart that I have to. Then it becomes a numbing feeling where, I can ignore it. Suddenly, I am getting sick. My body does not physically hide things well. After going through, Ryan's birth. I should have never gone back to my job. I knew this. I almost didn't.
But now. The way everyday is unfolding, I am starting to see. I asked for all of this. Not what happened at work. But how it has unfolded everyday since my baby came into the world, two months early. Even the potential jobs, I have on the horizon. I have spent time thinking about. Almost daydreaming. I feel like all is good and if this works out the way I am anticpating. I will be sharing so much with you all really soon!!
Transition, adversity, and hard stuff. It makes the shift. It changes you. Thank God!!

Hope this is just a stage...

Ryan has become obsessed with balls...

Or anything round that somewhat resembles a ball. We see apples at the grocery store. Ba Ba. It started out innocent enough. Awww. Look how cute. He likes throwing the ball. As a 12 month old without a lot of dexterity it was REAL cute. Now we have an 18 month old. With Peyton Manning's arm. Anything and everything he can pick up. Even if it is heavy. He hurls it across the room. Blocks, toy cars, coasters, Elmo Live, shoes, rugs, books, picture frames, end tables, dog water dishes. In fact, there isn't much that we haven't thrown a strike with. Notice, I said strike. Of course it was a strike! Well last night this "stage" took on a whole new meaning. Somewhere between Luck Charms in the morning and bathtime at night, we developed aim. Just when I thought things could not get more dangerous, he now picks what he wants to hit. And as soon as that hits the floor he picks it up and hurls it at the next thing. Read the books. They say try your best to teach but also try to ignore. He will move through it and it shouldn't last long. Okay. Whatever.

My husband is hoping this means quarterback. I wanted a kicker. More longevity and less contact. But right now, I KNOW, I couldn't take him punting things across the living room.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

The things you think, but do not say...

Just something that I have thought long and hard about since I quit my job. Not sure why? Could this be more evidence that my brain works differently than most others? And why? Why am I completely inspired by the comment that the copy clerk makes to Jerry? Interesting.

Anyhow? Enjoy. I, for one, put the movie on the top of my Netflix.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Day 1: My Sabbatical

Although, I quit my job over a week ago, today is the first day I feel like I am out of work. With the long holiday weekend and so much going on, I haven't exactly been able to fully absorb what I managed to do. First and for most, I still know that I did the RIGHT thing. I am not sorry, nor will I ever be. Working in that environment distracted me from what was important and took me from my family. My husband was even forced to admit that he was saddened by the fact that he didn't know what he was going to find when he got home in the evenings. Those of you that know me, are probably shocked to find out that I was that unhappy. I wasn't really hiding anything. I had made a choice to stay there and earn a living for my family. In spite, of who they were and what they were doing. Because of all that could and might go down, I am sparing details. But now. I am defending my descision to end it. No regrets. Ever.

So today. I am cleaning!!! Cleaning! Cleaning!

Moving on through...

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Thanks Tim

I logged on to my big brother's blog tonight and found this post. Wow! Life has this great way of bringing you exactly what you need. Exactly when you need it...


Here is a post from Tickled by Life that really made me think about my life and how I spend my time. I wanted to share it with all of my friends and family.

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.“Not very long,” answered the Mexican.“But then, why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more?” asked the American.The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.The American asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?”“I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. . I have a full life.”The American interrupted, “I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat.”“And after that?” asked the Mexican.“With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise.”“How long would that take?” asked the Mexican.“Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years,” replied the American.“And after that?”“Well my Friend, That’s when it gets really interesting,” answered the American, laughing.“When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!”“Millions? Really? And after that?” said the Mexican.“After that you’ll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends.”And the moral is:Know where you’re going in life….you may already be there.

Happy New Year!

New Year. New beginning? I have been put through it this holiday season. Funny thing is that it has nothing to do with the holidays. January 1, 2009. I am unemployed. Scared about it. Happy about it. and looking forward to getting my head back on straight and being productive again. So Long Biotches...