God spoke to me this morning.  Now for anyone that knows me, I don't go around subscribing to this kind of stuff.  It's not that I don't believe in this.  I believe we all have what we need internally, we just need to find the solutions and it isn't going to be as simple as a deep voice from above.  For the first time in my life, I am in the midst of a journey.  A journey that is testing everything about who I am and will ultimately change who i a becoming.  Nothing quick or easy about it.  This has been hard.  This has been lonely.  This has been very very painful.  I read a ton a half dozen blogs everyday.  They give me insight from the best diaper deals to the struggles of being a mom.  Today, I visited one of my favorites and began reading about how mothers in the mormon faith have a true devotion to their kids and how they see it as a calling by God.  This got me thinking about how present or not present, I have been in the last few months.  Just surviving isn't good enough but it is also where I am.  There are only two things that right now can snap me out of self pity and the crying jags that I seem to go on.  One is Ryan and one is Corey... 
There is something very pure about a conversation with a 3 year old and even more so how those conversations get clearer over night.  Oh, and having an infant.  Well there is no time for any pity when your feeding, burping, changing, and wiping spit up off your shirt.  Often, I do all of these with tears in my eyes.
So?  You ask what God said to me?  Well while watching a video about a mom who had been badly burned in a crash a huge wave of emotions came over me.  She said "She just knew that everything would be okay."  Suddenly.  I knew too...